Thunderstorm
by Matchin' Laces
Summary: A song fic about losing a loved one.
1. Default Chapter

Note: For some reason, I'm in this depressing mood and need to get it out. I'm having these angsty story ideas come out of nowhere and I can't get rid of them until I write them down. This is a really depressing story...to me anyway. I really have no idea how I got this from writing a simple song. It just came to me. I would never wish this to really happen however.  
  
I wrote this song a few nights ago when we had a thunderstorm. I couldn't sleep so I just started writing. I really hate rain so I thought, why not write about it? I'm not giving a name to the newsie, so choose your favorite.

I turned to face the window, twisting the covers of my bed, now for one instead of two. My heart is pounding in pain, the pain of you being gone...the place where you once were is empty. I can't feel anything...not since you died.  
  
The shadows of raindrops form on my face as the thunderstorm outside rages on. The window is closed, but I can feel the coldness outside from where I lay. The rain outside seems to strike harder onto the window as time passes by. I can just imagine your silhouette right there, watching the rain fall onto the streets below. That was one way that we were different. I hated rain, but not as much as I hate it now.  
  
I can't cry for you. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes, but they don't fall. A glance to the window once more lets me know. The rain is crying for me, it feels my pain. The rain only serves to make me angrier and more depressed however. You loved the rain. Everything is beginning to remind me of you.  
  
I should have known that this would happen one day. New York City is a dangerous place. I should have been prepared for the phone call from the hospital, telling me that you had been injured, whether from a carriage or a thief with a knife in his belt hoping to make a quick couple dollars.  
  
Thunder roars, and it seems to come from all around me. All my anger is shown in this display. I knew that there wasn't anything I could have done to save you, but I could have tried. I was tempted to go see you that day. Maybe we would have been inside when the guns started going off outside. Maybe you still would be here, protecting me from the storm outside.  
  
Lightning shot into the room, blinding me momentarily. Everything in the room lit up in a bright white. It all looks more menacing now, the way the light flickers on everything's surface before going out.  
  
Shadows form on the wall, towering over me, as if feeding on my fear. That's the strange thing about shadows, it's almost like they can sense a person's feelings. They strike at exactly the right moment, hoping to build up terror in your heart. Now, it only causes me to glare at the pouring rain outside. I want to be angry at something, might as well be the thing I hate the most.  
  
But as soon as the shadows form, they're gone again. Is there any sense in being mad at something that can't show emotion or even have the proof that they existed after the light fades? Was anything real anymore?  
  
I glance around the room, trying to shape your face in the darkness. But I can't even seem to remember what you look like anymore. I can't imagine the feel of your hand holding mine. That spark that I once knew...it's gone.  
  
I can still remember the feeling of your arms around me however. It always made me feel so safe and protected, like nothing outside could ever touch me. I imagine your whispers in the night, telling me that everything will be all right. That in the morning, it'll be over and a new day will start.  
  
I sigh and sink deeper into the covers. The imagined feeling of your arms disappears. It wasn't real, even though it seemed that you were just there beside me. The air no longer holds that grace that I felt whenever you were in the room with me. It's all a dream though. There's no point in believing in something that isn't real. I had let my imagination get out of hand. There was nothing beside me but half of a comforter, flat against the mattress and a pillow perfectly fluffed beside my head.  
  
The memories of you slowly fade away, no matter how much I try to hold onto them. I unconsciously reach out, trying to grab them back and never forget. I find that I can't though. I lay still after that, images flashing through my mind of the times we had, holding onto everything that I had left. I close my eyes tightly and turn to face where you would normally be. I can actually feel your presence leave the room and I'm left alone. There's nothing I can do to make you stay with me. You belong somewhere else now.  
  
Thunderstorm  
  
The rain beats against my window  
  
Matching the pounding of my heart  
  
It strikes deep into my soul  
  
Threatening to tear me apart  
  
Inside I feel it's terrible beating  
  
The rain...it's crying for me  
  
Tears that stay hidden beneath the surface  
  
Struggling to break free  
  
The thunder roars  
  
Echoing off the walls  
  
Lightning strikes  
  
Eliminating all  
  
Shadows form  
  
Only to disappear in an instant  
  
It seems like they never came  
  
Like a dream that is distant  
  
Hidden against the wall  
  
Trying to see your face in the dark  
  
Feels like the world's about to fall  
  
Missing that familiar spark  
  
I imagine your arms around me  
  
Your comforting words in my ear  
  
Telling me that I can be free  
  
And to have no fear  
  
But your warm embrace  
  
Is just a dream  
  
No matter how much I want to your grace  
  
Or how real it seems  
  
I can imagine your figure beside me  
  
Holding me close  
  
Want to believe in this dream  
  
Never want to let go  
  
But it's all in my imagination  
  
As you slowly fade away  
  
I don't move to stop you  
  
Nothing I do can make you remain


	2. Imagination

Note: I was looking over the story and decided that it was really too short. So, I went ahead and wrote this. I hope you enjoy it. It's another songfic with a song I wrote. It's a look into your choice of newsie's feelings the morning after.  
  
He exited from the apartment building, closing the door softly behind him. His eyes looked unfocused, but not of insanity, but of sadness...and longing. When the mist hit his face, he looked up, making the bags under his eyes visible.  
  
He placed his hands into his thin jacket pockets, not really trying to keep out the cold. It was still raining outside, the sky clouded over with what seemed like a permanent shade of gray. The pavement was slick with water and he watched with a sad smile as some children jumped into the puddles littering the sidewalk. They looked so happy...a feeling that felt so foreign right now.  
  
Staring off into the rain, he allowed his mind to wander. He finally blinked, awakening from his depressed mode. The endless display of falling water melted together and her face seemed visible in the droplets. Almost as if in a spell, he walked towards the familiar figure, until he forgot where he was and set out at a ran.  
  
The figure dissolved back into rain as he reached it, splattering onto the pavement, once again a part of nature. It was almost as if they were her tears, pouring down from heaven, wanting to reach him. The cold stinging brought him back to the present. His face felt every drop that splashed against it.  
  
He continued walking, on his journey to wherever his feet wished to lead him. His eyes traveled up to the clouds above. She would have been happy this morning, seeing the rain gently disappearing onto the streets. The passing shadows formed her face, smiling down at him. It was raining and no matter where she was, she was happy. He shook his head...he didn't want to remember....not now.  
  
His footsteps quickened as he turned the corner. No matter where he went, her face appeared before him. It was like it was haunting him, but not in a harmful way. The wind whispered her words into his ears, telling him of better times...when they were together.  
  
He had to admit it...he wanted her there. He wanted to glance down at his hand to see hers grasped in it. He wanted to feel her lips against his, saying that he would get through this. He wanted to hear her footsteps sounding next to his, sounding after every one of his steps, making a beat against the street.  
  
He reached his hand out, imagining her next to him. All his hand grasped was the fog rising from the ground, the wisps flowing from between his fingers. He opened his fist, his eyes finding nothing inside but four nailprints imprinted his skin.  
  
He spun around, a feeling that he was being watched flowing over him. All he saw was people crossing the streets and vendors selling food. Boys with newspapers shouted out the headlines like he used to do. An occasional girl walked by with a bundle of papers in her arms.  
  
He remembered the day when he had met her. He was still a newsie, although his adult years were approaching. She had been trying to sell, but wasn't having the best of luck. People passed by without a glance at the girl with the saddened expression, also mixed with failure. He had just happened to pass by and decided to help the girl with her selling methods before leading her to the ever famous diner.  
  
The years passed through his head as the memories came back...their first kiss, the first time he had made her blush, the rosy glow adorning her face. All up to the moment when he asked for her hand in marriage and her tear-stained face as she said 'yes'.  
  
He sighed and looked up once more to the sky. The first time he had seen her face light up in excitement as the rain came pouring down. He gazed at the clouds, ones that held so many more memories than he could ever remember.  
  
He played with the shapes in the sky. Her face shaped into the clouds. But the cotton forms didn't do it any grace. She was more beautiful than any shape the clouds could form.  
  
Although he knew that it wasn't real, he wished that it was her. He watched as the cloud moved slowly across the sky. He hoped that it would never be removed from the heavens, so that in the morning, he would always see her there.  
  
A burst of cold air hit him and he involuntarily shivered, but it was because of more than the chill. He didn't want her to go...he wanted everyone to know that she was his one and only. It was kinda hard to do though when her only memory lived in the clouds, the rain, the sky, the water drops that slid down the glass of the windows.  
  
Still, he made a small promise to himself, that every time it rained, he would take the time to look up in the sky and give a small smile to her face in the clouds. Even if he couldn't physically see or hear her anymore, he wanted her to know that he remembered. And maybe that he thought that the rain wasn't so bad anymore...as long as he could see her face in the sky...in his imagination.  
  
Imagination  
  
Thought I saw your figure in the rain  
  
Ran to see you again  
  
Turned out to be an illusion  
  
A trick played by the brain  
  
Shadows played across the sky  
  
Saw your face and wondered why  
  
Can't get you out my mind  
  
Why can't I leave you behind  
  
(Chorus)  
My imagination  
  
Trying to tell me where to turn  
  
Every corner I see you there  
  
Wishing you were here  
  
But my hands reach out  
  
And find nothing there  
  
Wisps of fog float away  
  
From my empty hands  
  
Felt your presence behind me  
  
Turned to find nothing but air  
  
Invisible to the naked eye  
  
Soaring off to the sky  
  
Clouds come and form your face  
  
But it doesn't do you any grace  
  
Still I wish that it were true  
  
That it was really you  
  
A shiver runs up and down my spine  
  
Wish that you were still mine  
  
Don't want to let you go  
  
I loved you more than you'll ever know  
  
My imagination  
  
Trying to tell me where to turn  
  
Every corner I see you there  
  
Wishing you were here  
  
But my hands reach out  
  
And find nothing there  
  
Wisps of fog float away  
  
From my empty hands 


End file.
